Viva la Vida

Do you ever feel that you are on the verge of something real, something good? Do you ever feel that despite all you are suffering with, or maybe because of it, that you are on the precipice of something deeper than you could have imagined, and that all you have gone through has brought you to this moment, to this time, and that everything is exactly how it is supposed to be? I feel that way right now.

It started with my blog, which forced me to open up about the fact that I have Fibromyalgia, and about how very hard it is to manage my life sometimes. I feel like I have finally come clean, and that I no longer need to keep up the appearance of the strong, healthy person I once was, and used to pretend to still be. My life feels more honest now. Fibromyalgia Haven has brought me integrity and self-acceptance. And it has brought me a new set of online friends and contacts which I value very much.

Then the support group happened. I think my blog helped prepare me to lead my support group. I don’t think I would be a very effective leader if I was still too ashamed or embarrassed to talk about my health. I take a lot of pride in the organization and planning, and I feel so fortunate to have the ability and desire to help the group grow, learn and prosper. The women in the group are fantastic! Such a smart, fun, friendly group who listen with compassion and share with honesty. Everyone is eager to improve their health which has lead me to do a lot of  research for resources.  My research has been very educational and enlightening, and best of all it took me to the next great thing in my life right now, the Wellness Center.

Initially I went to the Wellness Center to ask them to be a sponsor for our group and allow us to have our meetings there. Shortly after touring the facility I realized the enormous potential the Center had to help me improve my health and my life. And not just because of the classes and fitness expertise that they offer – each person I have connected with there has in some way contributed to the development of my support group – whether it is through contacts, or resources, or simply with encouragement. They are more than just a sponsor for the group, they are an interested and active partner. And it is working both ways. They have referred several people on to me who were looking for resources and information about Fibromyalgia, and I was very happy to help.

Fibromyagia is a part of my life for a reason. I can no longer ignore or deny it. I no longer want to ignore or deny it. Now that I have opened my life to the reality of it, my life has improved. It makes me think of the great Mexican painter and hero Frida. Her life was shaped by the pain she suffered as a result of the tragic bus accident. There is an inseparable duality between her pain and her passion for life that overwhelms her art. Would her art be as spectacular and enduring if not for the accident that sentenced her to a life of unbearable pain? I wonder. Was she meant to suffer so she could tap into her creativity? Much of her art is gruesome in its depiction of her struggles, and yet it was not without hope. 

Viva la Vida is Frida’s last painting. It was finished in 1954, the year of her death. She was bed ridden, highly medicated, and just a shell of her former self. So where did she find the inspiration to paint such a hopeful painting? Maybe it was because she lived her life exactly as she was meant to, working with her disabilities and limitations instead of working against them. Maybe it was because she knew she lived her life honestly and with integrity. Whatever the reason, I admire her greatly. And right now, in this moment, I believe I am on a similar journey to creating a legacy of my own.

Viva La Vida - Long Live Life!