What did you do?
I’ve been asked this question a lot since returning to work. What did you do before this? It is an interesting question and I don’t think I have decided how to answer it yet.
Do I tell them about the accident that brought my life to a screeching hault? Do I tell them about the months spent struggling to regain my ability to speak coherently? Do I tell them about the pain, the bouts of depression, the fatigue, and general disconnect from life? Do I tell them about starting this blog? Do I tell them how I was so inspired by this blog I started FibroHaven Foundation?
No, I don’t think I should. Essentially what they are asking me is how are you qualified to be in this position? What have you done in your past to allow you to do what you are doing in your present? They want to know what I have done, not what I have been through.
I had many successful years working with Fibromyalgia before the accident. I am plenty qualified. But I am also concerned about how my illness may be perceived. It is something we have discussed at support group meetings in the past. Do you tell your employer/prospective employer that you are living with a chronic illness? If ever there was a slippery slope…
My current employer knows all about FibroHaven and seems completely unphased by it. He is actually quite impressed with what I have accomplished. But early on in my job search I am certain I was not chosen for a position because my potential employer read my blog. He basically patted me on the back and said “You are doing great things with FibroHaven. Keep it up.” This came shortly after he mentioned he has two close relatives with Fibromyalgia. Do you think his experience with them prejudiced his value of me? I do.
So how much do I share? I am not sure. The only thing I am certain of is that I do not want my diagnosis of Fibromyalgia to influence what my colleagues think I am capable of doing. I want my actions to determine my value, not my diagnosis.
My first primary care provider (she is a nurse practitioner) was very well versed in fibromyalgia because her sister has it. After filling out all the paperwork asking for a reasonable accommodation for my workplace, she asked me “are you sure you want to do this?” and because I could no longer work a 40 hour week I told her I had to.
She replied that in her experience the people that are able to keep working are the ones that make their own accommodations at work and do not discuss fibromyalgia with the employer and other employees.
I don’t think that’s fair or right and I doubt she did either. It was just her experience…and I’d say that the significant majority of her practice was comprised of people with fibromyalgia.
So as to what to share? The only safe answer is nothing. Like female accountants and lawyers do not mention wanting a family for fear of being put on the mommy track (even though that has all changed…supposedly).
I wish I knew of a better answer and I’m very interested to hear what other people have to say on this…
Take care!!
Wow – that’s a tough one! If it were me, I’d be very vague and share very little until I got to know these people better. But that’s just me. I’m not very trusting about being accepted by others. I am anxious to hear more about your going-back-to-work experience though. Take care!
I would not tell an employer until after I had been there long enough to prove myself…even then I may not. My last job I had been diagnosed for 8 years and only a handful of people knew. I think more people are aware of fibro now but it still carries a stigma of sorts. It was hurtful when people would say “you can’t possibly be in pain, you seem so fine….” I seemed fine because I refused to complain 🙁
Great post and I am glad you are doing well.
Barbara, I was a “golden child” at work until one of my “friends” at work told everyone I was on narcotics for the pain. My performance had not slipped at that point. But once that news got out…oh my. My manager started treating me completely different. No more collateral duty, no more working at home, etc. It made things very difficult for me.
That’s why I’m of the opinion that showing no weakness is job security. But that is only my opinion.
I just got fired after 20 years of dedicated service because of the fibro. I was doing my job just fine. Have been for years. Got an exceeds the first year I had fibro. They were just culling the herd and my number came up. I’m suing.
I struggle with the present tense question of “what do you do?” Its often one of those first questions which is asked as an innocent icebreaker. For me, its an incredibly loaded question. Do I answer with what I DID (in my other pre-illness life)? Do I answer with what my professional training prepared me to do? Do I play dumb and answer with my hobby? Do I offer with a truthful answer which they will take to be a joke such as “I nap”? Do I answer with the truth and tell someone I don’t know that I am on long term disability? Most days, I’m certain my response most often is to look like a deer in the headlights. On a good day, I’m able to turn the anwer around to tell the person what I am passionate about or what I offer in un-paid employment.
I have been unemployed since April, 2010- I am certian my health/fibro had everything to do with my job loss. I was a behavior manager for students who were diagnoised with behavioral and/or emotional disablilites that would make them physically dangerous to themselves or others. I would be required to restrain students for long periods of time for their saftey and the safety of others. This triggered fibromyalgia. I was told I could no longer do the physical part of my job anymore.
In addition to the fibro, in less than four months before I was ‘laid off’ I was diagnosed hypothyroidism, sicca syndrome and connective tissue disease; I had shingles and was hospitalized for pancreatitis.
Since I was ‘laid off’ I have been hospitalized three times – for gall bladder removal, multiple kidney stone removal, tachycardia and stroke.
I am seeking full time employment – and am currently on unemployment and paying my medical insurance out of pocket. I am currently dealing with ongoing migraines and a sinus infection. I am also over 50 – which is a huge hurtle for me to overcome even in my best of health.
Any suggestions of what I can do?