Find the Space Between Pleasure and Pain, and Rest There

Recently a great conversation began on the FibroHaven Facebook page when I asked this:

What do you do when you are having a relatively good day, but suddenly hit a wall? Do you push through, or do you slow down and give in to it? There is a BIG brick wall looming just ahead of me. Can’t decide if I want to try and hurdle it or lay down before I smash my face into it! Let’s discuss. I would love to know how you manage.

There were many great responses that are worth taking the time to read. After reading them I knew I wanted to continue the conversation with a new blog post, and as often happens in life, I was further inspired to do so by my yoga practice today.

I was in a new class with a new instructor. This is always a thrilling and completely terrifying experience for me. Will I be able to keep up? What is their teaching style – gentle and nurturing or kick-butt boot camp style?

The teacher has a dramatic effect on your yoga experience and sets the tone for the entire practice. My favorites are the gentle leaders who guide with simple, clear directives and encourage everyone to honor where they are on that particular day. A good yoga instructor understands that our bodies can be different from day to day – even from morning to afternoon, and afternoon to evening. This is just one of the reasons why yoga – with the right instructor – is an excellent mindful movement for fibromyalgia. But I digress…

Just a few moments into my practice, I knew I had chosen the right class. He was gentle and clear, explaining how to elongate the spine while bending gently to the side. With my eyes closed, I focused on his voice and his directions, and found new joy in a pose I have done many times. It was a great “ah-ha” moment and my body responded with pleasure.

And then he said something that I felt like a wave rushing through my entire body:

Find the space between pleasure and pain, and rest there.

I was instantly overwhelmed with the intention and deep meaning that statement held for me. Much deeper than the obvious benefit it was to my practice on my mat that day – it is something we can all apply directly to living well with chronic illness everyday. Read it again. Read it several times. Read it out loud.

Find the space between pleasure and pain, and rest there.

How does it make you feel? For me, I felt empowered – empowered to know that space exists and empowered to know I was learning how to find it.

The space between pleasure and pain. This concept is difficult for the fibromyalgia sufferer. It is a space many do not know how to reach. And even if we do reach it, we may not be able to appreciate it, as we have become conditioned to brace ourselves for the next surge of pain. Admit it, some of you think finding this space is as likely as finding a unicorn there when you reach it. Right?

But this space is real. It does exist. We just need to learn to quiet ourselves long enough to find it, and then trust it enough to relax into it.  It is like finding the silence between our thoughts with meditation – the silence is there, we just have to learn to find it. It takes effort. It takes practice. It requires mindfulness. But it is real.

Rest. A simple word that is a difficult concept for those of us living with chronic illness. Often we are forced to rest, and it is anything but restful. Then, sometimes we chose to rest, but we are distracted by all the other “more productive” things we can be doing with our time. We fail to see how productive resting truly is.

Like all mindful approaches to living, embracing and living in the restful moments is a process. It takes work. How ridiculous does that sound? It takes work to learn how to rest. I wrote it. I believe it. And it still makes me chuckle reading it.

In general, our culture does not embrace rest. We have been conditioned to make the most of every moment. Multitask. Leave no stone unturned. But what bad could possibly happen by leaving a few stones be while you embrace the joy and restoration of rest? Really? Why can’t we learn to love the silence and enjoy the rest?

We can, but it is going to take work – and practice. We have a lot of conditioning to undo. And it is not going to undo itself. Through yoga and meditation – I am starting to come undone. I am unraveling and letting go of the tension I held so rigidly to for years. My space between the pleasure and the pain is growing and I am learning to rest there. I am learning to embrace my chosen moments of rest, rather than wait for the brick wall to force me into it.

You have that space too. We all do. Even on the days when you are certain it does not exist, it does. If you believe it, you can begin to find your way to it – and rest.